I want to crawl under it......
Almost at 4 months to go, and I have a billion things to do..... Whoever said this was a joyous time are either one of two things: single or filthy rich. On a stress scale of 1 - 10, I am at a constant/daily 12. I would love to go a day without even thinking or worrying if everything is right, am I forgetting something, gotta call them and ask, its how much.... at every moment. Any and everything irritates me. I see why people elope or go to city hall.... More than half of me really prefers this, but the other portion can't help to think I would be cheating myself.
I have yet to lose any weight. Its my own fault. I can't help to think that I am self sabotaging this, because of all the other what if stress.
I think I should take a weekend, to be just me, no mommy, no fiance, no daughter, no employee.. just me. I need to get myself back I've gotta go to the blackberry just to schedule a time to get myself back...... sad..... I just gotta re-prioritize and get myself together....
.......Hey Calgon...... be expecting a text from my blackberry, to your email, to schedule a meeting where you can take me away...
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Found a dress
I had no idea that looking for a dress would be a stressful situation. When I would talk to random people and they find out I am engaged, that is the first question they ask. Have you found a dress yet? Are you excited to go look for one? My answer would always remain the same - "NO".
Up until this past Saturday, I dreaded it. I had no desire to go look for a dress, or try a bunch of them on, that could possible look horrible on me. I guess you can chalk it up to the weight I have gained, and still have not lost. But I imagined the experience to be something similar to a root canal.
They say you are supposed to begin looking for a dress, and purchasing a dress 6 to 8 mos before the wedding. That way, if alterations need to be done, there will be plenty of time. I made an appointment April 4, 2009 at this local bridal shop. Friday morning, the day before the appointment, I began to panic. The thought of all the things that could go wrong was too much. I don't think I got much sleep that night. With my mom next to me, Saturday afternoon I walked into the shop, a little hopeful, a little terrified. I thought, would they even have dresses for me to try on in my size? UGH! Well we waited, waited, waited to get waited on. The employees acted as if we weren't even there. Granted, it is prom season, but it was as if they went out of their way to help every one but us. We waited a good 15/20 minutes before someone said very unpleasantly to another co-worker..... "see if they have been helped." The employee asked if we have been helped. I told them that I had an appointment. She asked if I had be registered, and then began to write my info on scrap paper? WTH?? This is how you register someone? She then told me to go ahead and start looking at dresses and then a Bridal consultant would be with me shortly. My mom and I started looking that were unorganized on a rack. Finally, another 10 min the bridal consultant came and asked what kind of dresses i was looking for. I gave her my descriptions. You would think at that point she would point out some dresses for me, but no. She stated well keep looking, and after i finish doing what I am doing i will come back?? another WTH??? I remembered that this bridal store carried a certain designer i had admired. When the bridal consultant walked by me again, I stopped her to ask her is they carried the designer and if she could point me in the direction of her gowns. She said yes, but she didn't know exactly where, but would find out and come back. Well, she never did. At this point. I am too through. I can't believe this is how my first time at looking at a wedding dress went. My mom and I walked out, and I called another store in a different town to see if they could fit me in today. They could.
My mom and I drove over there. I looked at a few dresses and tried a few on. I looked through there catalog, and came across a dress that caught my eye. It was a certain style i said I would never wear. It is very clean, plain, and classy. No beading, no crystals, no nothing. Well i asked if they had that in the store in my size and they did. I loved it. It is very simple. I decided to go with it. You would think i would be relieved that the process if over, considering all the how I was feeling about the process. Well I am not! lol
Now i am wondering if i got the right dress. Did i decide too soon? Should I pick a gown that is more elaborate? Should i still look? This is where I am at. I think i now have dress envy..... ugh..... We should just elope.
I am thinking about contacting the manager of poor customer service....
Up until this past Saturday, I dreaded it. I had no desire to go look for a dress, or try a bunch of them on, that could possible look horrible on me. I guess you can chalk it up to the weight I have gained, and still have not lost. But I imagined the experience to be something similar to a root canal.
They say you are supposed to begin looking for a dress, and purchasing a dress 6 to 8 mos before the wedding. That way, if alterations need to be done, there will be plenty of time. I made an appointment April 4, 2009 at this local bridal shop. Friday morning, the day before the appointment, I began to panic. The thought of all the things that could go wrong was too much. I don't think I got much sleep that night. With my mom next to me, Saturday afternoon I walked into the shop, a little hopeful, a little terrified. I thought, would they even have dresses for me to try on in my size? UGH! Well we waited, waited, waited to get waited on. The employees acted as if we weren't even there. Granted, it is prom season, but it was as if they went out of their way to help every one but us. We waited a good 15/20 minutes before someone said very unpleasantly to another co-worker..... "see if they have been helped." The employee asked if we have been helped. I told them that I had an appointment. She asked if I had be registered, and then began to write my info on scrap paper? WTH?? This is how you register someone? She then told me to go ahead and start looking at dresses and then a Bridal consultant would be with me shortly. My mom and I started looking that were unorganized on a rack. Finally, another 10 min the bridal consultant came and asked what kind of dresses i was looking for. I gave her my descriptions. You would think at that point she would point out some dresses for me, but no. She stated well keep looking, and after i finish doing what I am doing i will come back?? another WTH??? I remembered that this bridal store carried a certain designer i had admired. When the bridal consultant walked by me again, I stopped her to ask her is they carried the designer and if she could point me in the direction of her gowns. She said yes, but she didn't know exactly where, but would find out and come back. Well, she never did. At this point. I am too through. I can't believe this is how my first time at looking at a wedding dress went. My mom and I walked out, and I called another store in a different town to see if they could fit me in today. They could.
My mom and I drove over there. I looked at a few dresses and tried a few on. I looked through there catalog, and came across a dress that caught my eye. It was a certain style i said I would never wear. It is very clean, plain, and classy. No beading, no crystals, no nothing. Well i asked if they had that in the store in my size and they did. I loved it. It is very simple. I decided to go with it. You would think i would be relieved that the process if over, considering all the how I was feeling about the process. Well I am not! lol
Now i am wondering if i got the right dress. Did i decide too soon? Should I pick a gown that is more elaborate? Should i still look? This is where I am at. I think i now have dress envy..... ugh..... We should just elope.
I am thinking about contacting the manager of poor customer service....
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tidbits
I finally had my ring sized. I was trying to hold out, because I didn't want to part with it, but they ended up being able to do it in the store while I waited. I was so excited! When they were done, I put it on immediately, and went home. I took it off to look at it again, the newly sized ring, only to see that they bent the setting!! %^$&^# I found this out after they closed for the day. Now I have to wait until next Saturday to bring it back to them. GRRRR!
My first purchase:
When I first got engaged, I was watching this bridal show on TV. It was about this wedding planner who completely makes over your wedding. On the show, he surprised this couple with a set of Waterford Crystal items. These pieces were gorgeous. They were gifted plates, toasting flutes, cake server, and other things. I immediately fell in love with the cake server. I had to have them. I ran to the computer to see how much there were..... WHOA!!! I made a decision to save a little each month, so I could have them. That cake serve was going to be mine! Well, I purchased the set over the weekend. They were even more gorgeous in person. I took it to a jewelry store that have our initials engraved on them. I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Met with a Wedding Planner:
She was awesome! Very organized and creative. She listened, and gave me great suggestions. Together, I think we found my table cloths and invitations. Working with her is going to be great!
My first purchase:
When I first got engaged, I was watching this bridal show on TV. It was about this wedding planner who completely makes over your wedding. On the show, he surprised this couple with a set of Waterford Crystal items. These pieces were gorgeous. They were gifted plates, toasting flutes, cake server, and other things. I immediately fell in love with the cake server. I had to have them. I ran to the computer to see how much there were..... WHOA!!! I made a decision to save a little each month, so I could have them. That cake serve was going to be mine! Well, I purchased the set over the weekend. They were even more gorgeous in person. I took it to a jewelry store that have our initials engraved on them. I can't wait to see how it turns out.
Met with a Wedding Planner:
She was awesome! Very organized and creative. She listened, and gave me great suggestions. Together, I think we found my table cloths and invitations. Working with her is going to be great!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
I am my own worst enemy...
UGH...... I didn't work out this morning. I am hopeless.
It was something about the cool breeze from my window that made me sleep so well, that i just kept hitting that little annoying buzzer from the alarm clock...
Now I am so mad at myself. I just gotta get up tomorrow morning.
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was something about the cool breeze from my window that made me sleep so well, that i just kept hitting that little annoying buzzer from the alarm clock...
Now I am so mad at myself. I just gotta get up tomorrow morning.
WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
Drill Sergeant
I meet with him tonight...... my personal trainer.
For some reason, I am a little bit nervous, yet excited. I am not working out tonight, but just meeting him for a consultation. I will be going over my goals, and he will give me a routine to do on my own.
My plan is to start tomorrow morning at 5:30. I gotta do this. I also need to figure out a diet plan. My goal is to lose 30 - 50 lbs by December. Can it be done? Am I over ambitious?
Hopefully this will be come more of a routine and not a chore. I know this will also help me with my stress. I just gotta try not to roll over when my alarm goes off. I wish I had a work out partner........
For some reason, I am a little bit nervous, yet excited. I am not working out tonight, but just meeting him for a consultation. I will be going over my goals, and he will give me a routine to do on my own.
My plan is to start tomorrow morning at 5:30. I gotta do this. I also need to figure out a diet plan. My goal is to lose 30 - 50 lbs by December. Can it be done? Am I over ambitious?
Hopefully this will be come more of a routine and not a chore. I know this will also help me with my stress. I just gotta try not to roll over when my alarm goes off. I wish I had a work out partner........
Friday, March 13, 2009
One down, a million more to go...
I have a reception place!! WOO HOO!
I ended up looking at 3 places over the weekend.
Next up: Next weekend I meet with an Events Coordinator. I am hoping she can help me plan, and not cost an arm and a leg to do so. I have seen some of her receptions that she has decorated, and they are awesome. The following weekend, I meet with a photographer. April 4, I actually have an appointment to try on gowns. AND NO I am not excited about that. I found out that you should try and pick out a gown 6 to 8 mos ahead of the wedding to allow for alterations. But i envisioned me trying on gowns at a weight I am happy about. But it looks like, since the 8 month will be in April, I have no choice but to try on gowns being "Large Marge". Ugh... instead of tears of joy, I will have tears of sadness I am sure. On a good note, I am meeting a physical trainer this Monday, who will give me a routine. I plan to bust my tail until I am at a weight, that I feel good at. I just wish i could see some difference by April. LOL
I will post pics on my next blog....
Feet don't fail me now.....
I have yet to decided a time to this schindig, but I am thinking wedding at 2:00pm, photos following, and reception at 5:00?
I ended up looking at 3 places over the weekend.
- First: a hotel. It is convenient, and has everything there. I could also have my dinner rehearsal there. The package would include the reception room, bar, honeymoon suite, set-up and take down, cake serving, catering, and dance floor. The room was gorgeous. The floors are red, and it even has a balcony. The only hitch is the huge price! The base price for catering along is $41 per person, multiply that by 150 guest! GEEZE!
- Second: Banquet hall at a golf course. The area was gorgeous. Inside the facility, the floors are black, with gold flecks. The dance floor was kind of small. The catering prices were good. Not really going over $20 per person. I really thought that room had possibilities. The deposit was low. Right at the end of the walk through, i found out the room is not even available for my wedding date?? What?? I know when i set up the meeting i told the lady my date. She didn't say anything at that time?
- Third/last: Private Club. This initially was my first choice, but i assumed this would be the most expensive of the 3. I was wrong. The catering wasn't that expensive. The reception room has hard wood floors, and a balcony. Also, another room is included. That is where the bar, and the hors d'oeuvres will be served. I decided to go with this place. I went a head and paid the deposit, which ended up being the cheapest of the 3 as well. Now i just need to meet with them to go over food choices.
Next up: Next weekend I meet with an Events Coordinator. I am hoping she can help me plan, and not cost an arm and a leg to do so. I have seen some of her receptions that she has decorated, and they are awesome. The following weekend, I meet with a photographer. April 4, I actually have an appointment to try on gowns. AND NO I am not excited about that. I found out that you should try and pick out a gown 6 to 8 mos ahead of the wedding to allow for alterations. But i envisioned me trying on gowns at a weight I am happy about. But it looks like, since the 8 month will be in April, I have no choice but to try on gowns being "Large Marge". Ugh... instead of tears of joy, I will have tears of sadness I am sure. On a good note, I am meeting a physical trainer this Monday, who will give me a routine. I plan to bust my tail until I am at a weight, that I feel good at. I just wish i could see some difference by April. LOL
I will post pics on my next blog....
Feet don't fail me now.....
I have yet to decided a time to this schindig, but I am thinking wedding at 2:00pm, photos following, and reception at 5:00?
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I think I may be back
I don't know if its the coffee I have been drinking this week, or the mini break in the weather, but I am feeling better than ever.
I've actually started a little wedding planning this week. I set up 2 reception site meetings this Saturday, along with my income tax appointment. Maybe the idea of my refund put a little pep in my step? Non-the-less, I am really looking forward to viewing these two sites. I hope I can get a good deal. I am leaning towards the Hotel site, because it just makes sense. There is a lot of things included in their packages. Also i occurred to me to possibly have the dinner rehearsal there as well. That way out of town guest can go straight to their room.
ugh.. so much to do.
A light bulb went off earlier today. Our wedding date is set for December 2009. We have plans to take our engagement pics early spring. Is it weird to have spring pics for a winter wedding? So now I am thinking about having some amateur winter pics taken outside now, while its still cold, if it snows. That way I will have a variety of pics. SO now i am hoping/praying for one day of snow.....
I've actually started a little wedding planning this week. I set up 2 reception site meetings this Saturday, along with my income tax appointment. Maybe the idea of my refund put a little pep in my step? Non-the-less, I am really looking forward to viewing these two sites. I hope I can get a good deal. I am leaning towards the Hotel site, because it just makes sense. There is a lot of things included in their packages. Also i occurred to me to possibly have the dinner rehearsal there as well. That way out of town guest can go straight to their room.
ugh.. so much to do.
A light bulb went off earlier today. Our wedding date is set for December 2009. We have plans to take our engagement pics early spring. Is it weird to have spring pics for a winter wedding? So now I am thinking about having some amateur winter pics taken outside now, while its still cold, if it snows. That way I will have a variety of pics. SO now i am hoping/praying for one day of snow.....
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
lack of motivation...
in all facets of my life......ugh. I just can't escape the felling of 'blah'. I hope this is temporary, maybe weather related.. i dunno....
I just feel like the world is on my shoulders. I just need to scream, or get away, or both. I dunno, maybe i am just having an off day/or month.
I need to turn to the bible....
- I've made no wedding plans as of yet - geeze almost 9 mos away. For some reason, I can't get started....ugh, is this a sign?
- workout/schmorkout..... I am now going into March with nothing but food on the brain. Got porkchops?
- Housework? no, just throw your close in that massive pile over there. Who needs clean dishes?
- Finances.......i just busted my piggy bank so i can pay for groceries in change. I may have to "yabba, dabba" my car until pay day. Hopefully my feet won't fail me.
- S/O was laid-off for a while, but just got a new job at a dealership, which is wonderful, but there is just one car between us right now, and the additional financial haven't kicked in.
- The job is not going so good, i just feel like i am failing, and I am not sure how to turn it around.
I just feel like the world is on my shoulders. I just need to scream, or get away, or both. I dunno, maybe i am just having an off day/or month.
I need to turn to the bible....
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Unwanted Guest
Well, Aunt Flo finally decided to show up, after being 5 days late. Although it is for the best, with everything going on, and planning for a wedding, I am still just a tad bummed. Oh well, it just gives me something to look forward to after I become the Mrs.
Moving on..........
Moving on..........
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Ch Ch Ch Changes
January promised to be a wonderful month. After J spoke with my Dad, things were so good. Well, shortly after we hit a couple of financial roadblocks. His car is out of commission, and it will be a little costly to get it fixed. On top of that, a couple days later, he was laid-off. AHHHH! I just want to scream! This put a little jam in the wedding plans. At this point I am not sure what the next step is. He is looking for a new job, but the job market is so crappy right now. I am just trying to be patient and keep the faith. Maybe its the stress that is adding to me irrational thinking, but part of me wants to just chuck it all and just go to the court house.
On top of that. I am late. Yes, late. According the calendar, about 4 days. I know that may not be a big deal, and under the circumstances, being late is easily possible; but for the past couple of hours, I have been totally obsessed about it. I have been analyzing everything! I don't think i am going to get a test just yet. All the symptoms i have been feeling are so similar to Aunt Flo. The more i think, "what if i am?" the more i think i will be disappointed if I'm not. Me and J have talked about kids, and we both want more after we get married. I know the timing could be a little off yet, I can't help but get a little excited at the possibilities.
Well, I guess I will just wait a few more days and see if Aunt Flo rears her face.
On top of that. I am late. Yes, late. According the calendar, about 4 days. I know that may not be a big deal, and under the circumstances, being late is easily possible; but for the past couple of hours, I have been totally obsessed about it. I have been analyzing everything! I don't think i am going to get a test just yet. All the symptoms i have been feeling are so similar to Aunt Flo. The more i think, "what if i am?" the more i think i will be disappointed if I'm not. Me and J have talked about kids, and we both want more after we get married. I know the timing could be a little off yet, I can't help but get a little excited at the possibilities.
Well, I guess I will just wait a few more days and see if Aunt Flo rears her face.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I had an amazing weekend. I had it all planned out. While Jay was going to be asking for my dad's blessing, I would be attending the bridal expo with my friend "ishie." Well things didn't quite go according to plan.
I woke up Saturday excited about what the day would bring. Jay on the other hand, woke up lets just say... grumpy. He was so nervous about talking with my Dad that he barely said 2 words to me. The Bridal Expo started at noon, and so was the "The big convo" with my dad. Its about an hour drive from where we are to where we need to be. Thank to the crummy freezing rain, we had a late start. By the time we were at our destination, it was just about noon. So I ended up being present for "The Talk" (Which I tried everything in my power not to be).
There we were, the four of us, my mom, dad, Jay and I. My dad can be very intimidating. Jay pushed forward and started the dialogue. Jay said the most amazing things about me. How much he loved me and my daughter, being a family, etc. Although Jay was tripping over his words, and stuttering; I am so glad I was able to be apart of the conversation. My dad then questioned us on our definition of marriage. He then discussed how its hard work, and the importance of a spiritual bond. We assured him that God would come first in our marriage. Keeping God first is the only way for a marriage to be successful. Then finally, my dad welcomed Jay to the family. I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!
As if things could get any better, My mom accompanied me to the Bridal expo. I had so much fun. "Ishie", met us up there. There were so many vendors there. I tried a variety of cakes. Red Velvet is the winner!!. I got tons of ideas and entered my name is several drawings. Then there was a fashion show. I saw some gowns i really liked, and bridesmaid dresses. At the end of the fashion show, there is a grand prize drawing. AND I WON!!!!!!! I couldn't believe they called my name. As soon as I heard my name, I yelled "Shut up". I never win anything. On the day of my wedding, I will receive $500! That will be right on time, because i am sure we will be broke! hahaha
I finally feel like it is official now. Now here goes the planning! :-)
I woke up Saturday excited about what the day would bring. Jay on the other hand, woke up lets just say... grumpy. He was so nervous about talking with my Dad that he barely said 2 words to me. The Bridal Expo started at noon, and so was the "The big convo" with my dad. Its about an hour drive from where we are to where we need to be. Thank to the crummy freezing rain, we had a late start. By the time we were at our destination, it was just about noon. So I ended up being present for "The Talk" (Which I tried everything in my power not to be).
There we were, the four of us, my mom, dad, Jay and I. My dad can be very intimidating. Jay pushed forward and started the dialogue. Jay said the most amazing things about me. How much he loved me and my daughter, being a family, etc. Although Jay was tripping over his words, and stuttering; I am so glad I was able to be apart of the conversation. My dad then questioned us on our definition of marriage. He then discussed how its hard work, and the importance of a spiritual bond. We assured him that God would come first in our marriage. Keeping God first is the only way for a marriage to be successful. Then finally, my dad welcomed Jay to the family. I AM SOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!
As if things could get any better, My mom accompanied me to the Bridal expo. I had so much fun. "Ishie", met us up there. There were so many vendors there. I tried a variety of cakes. Red Velvet is the winner!!. I got tons of ideas and entered my name is several drawings. Then there was a fashion show. I saw some gowns i really liked, and bridesmaid dresses. At the end of the fashion show, there is a grand prize drawing. AND I WON!!!!!!! I couldn't believe they called my name. As soon as I heard my name, I yelled "Shut up". I never win anything. On the day of my wedding, I will receive $500! That will be right on time, because i am sure we will be broke! hahaha
I finally feel like it is official now. Now here goes the planning! :-)
Friday, January 9, 2009
The Talk
One of my girlfriends invited me to a Bridal Expo in my home town tomorrow. I am super excited. This will be my first "Bridal/Wedding" thing of 2009. This will also be our "countdown to the wedding thing" for January. I can't believe that in 12 months from now, I will be married.
While me and my friend, will be checking out wedding venders, watching a bridal gown fashion show, and hopefully winning some door prizes, my S/O "J" will be going over to my parents house to have "the talk", with my Dad. He will be asking for my dad's blessing to marry his daughter. I must admit I am a little nervous for him. I know he will be beyond nervous tomorrow. Luckily for him, he will have my Mom there as an ally. LOL OOOOOH to be a fly on the wall.
I can't wait until tomorrow! :-P
While me and my friend, will be checking out wedding venders, watching a bridal gown fashion show, and hopefully winning some door prizes, my S/O "J" will be going over to my parents house to have "the talk", with my Dad. He will be asking for my dad's blessing to marry his daughter. I must admit I am a little nervous for him. I know he will be beyond nervous tomorrow. Luckily for him, he will have my Mom there as an ally. LOL OOOOOH to be a fly on the wall.
I can't wait until tomorrow! :-P
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